well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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