How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
please don't ironically join a cult
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