SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize