he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I know her cup size but not her name....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
