I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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