i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize