Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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