fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize