this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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