If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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