oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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