help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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