I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize