hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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