I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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