How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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