I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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