Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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