yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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