I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize