If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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