even my farts smell like vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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