Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
