My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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