Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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