There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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