Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(307): View more from Wyoming

North Korea, Best Korea!

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(307): North Korea, Best Korea! http://tfl.nu/xg9r

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(678): View more from Georgia

My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

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(678): My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now. http://tfl.nu/52n8

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(949): View more from California

After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(

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(949): After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =( http://tfl.nu/pv1c

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(631): View more from New York

And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.

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(631): And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic. http://tfl.nu/6fkc

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

dude i feel like shit

(413): View more from Massachusetts

well u did eat a lot of play-doh

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(412): dude i feel like shit (413): well u did eat a lot of play-doh http://tfl.nu/0jaq

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.

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(318): Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity. http://tfl.nu/izk8

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

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(603): It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim. http://tfl.nu/xioc

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(903): View more from Texas

He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

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(903): He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/skgw

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(303): View more from Colorado

do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?

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(303): do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie? http://tfl.nu/kg1j

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.

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(314): I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume. http://tfl.nu/mjn1

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(706): View more from Georgia

My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.

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(706): My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up. http://tfl.nu/hq93

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.

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(609): i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen. http://tfl.nu/t0rk

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.

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(608): I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich. http://tfl.nu/h4vr

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(574): View more from Indiana

i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.

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(574): i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand. http://tfl.nu/cuvt

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(904): View more from Florida

As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.

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(904): As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now. http://tfl.nu/x89u

Replies (6) Good night (502) Bad night (162)

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