the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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