He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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