can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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