you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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