wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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