Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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