Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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