girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize