If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize