I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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