i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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