I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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