If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize