That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize