Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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