Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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