glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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