I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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