my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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