I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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