Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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