you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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