He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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